Do you cook on Sundays?

Do you cook on Sundays? My Answer=Nope! Sundays are by no means my Sabbath/Rest day with three church services, a Student Leader breakfast and a discipleship mentor lunch sandwiched before and after.  A great day of ministry followed by one well deserved  3 o'clock nap.  A tip for making busy Sundays work for me (with three kids in tow) and handling the meal time monster is the No Cook Rule! Sundays = No cooking. Here is how we handle a busy Sunday with little time or energy for cooking:

1) Breakfast 

Costco muffins and chocolate milk (kids) and Coffee (us) all set and ready to brew on a timer (got rid of the Keurig...6 cents VS 36 cents a cup!)  We buy a dozen muffins and keep them in the freezer. We defrost 4 of them the night before and they taste just as fresh!  I also put together 2 milk bottles the night before for the baby, making sure her diaper bag is well stocked.  In the morning I toss some frozen Capri Suns, cheese sticks, and frozen GoGurts into an insulated lunch bag for the kids. By third service they are starving and need a snack to fend off their ravenous hunger until we make it to lunch. Hungry kids=grumpy kids. I come prepared on Sundays! 

2) Lunch 

We try to eat out w/staff or students. It gets expensive, which can be problematic, but the time connecting 'with' people is priceless. The baby is usually tired and needing a nap so occasionally I have to bribe my 11 year old to chase her around (keeping her awake) while we finish up lunch conversations. It is also essential for the kids to have well charged electronics all set for Sundays too. The kids generally wait around for us quite often and the electronics (they each have an Itouch) help A LOT!!! There are oftentimes church related lunch events and meetings taking place on Sundays (free food is often thrown in!) and as a result,  our kids have long Sundays too!  Eventually we make it home before any major baby meltdowns and before our electronics die. 

3) Dinner 

After much needed naps, it's time to figure out what's for dinner (ready or not). My husband is MY Sunday meal time hero. If I buy something easy to fix for dinner, he is MORE than happy to be in charge of Sunday dinner. This evening I took the kids outside to play while he prepared our meal.  My secret is to buy pre-prepared meals. Currently my favorite store @freshandeasy has a huge Kitchen To Go selection of meals. Their Spaghetti and Meatball dinner (with FREE cheesy bread thrown in this week) cooks in the microwave for 9 minutes and DONE! The bread takes 12 minutes to heat up and is a huge hit with our family. With dinner on the table so easily (with no pots and pans to scrub) we have time to share our Sunday highlights and laughs over an ice cream sandwich. 

Do you cook on Sundays? How do you plan for meals and get your family to church each week? 

Picking the Perfect Music (using Brain Based Learning)

 
   

     I am married to a teacher and we love when educational theory, brain based research and youth ministry collide into a fusion of learning awesomeness. We talk about integrating teaching principles, learning theories,  and educational best practices into youth ministry quite often.  One aspect of brain based learning we are particularly fond of is the influence of music in creating an optimal learning environment. Music affects our emotional state.  Why else would a teenage girl put on depressing country song after country song after a break up? Because she needs a good cry and the music helps elicit such a response. When you want to bust a move in the kitchen and get your dance on, you turn up the Flo-Rida, Lecrae, JLo and Pitbull. When you are angry and want to bang your head against the wall, there is music specifically designed to evoke such a response too!

     I found this article over at Brain Based Jensen Learning regarding how to pick the perfect music for brain based learning and it is completely transferable to youth ministry. When you want to calm a room full of hyperactive, overly sugared middle schoolers, it might be a great idea to play some serene tunes in the background. Caught one too many people yawning and need to energize the room and liven things up? Well there is music for that too! Instead of shhhhhushing (quit spitting into your microphone already! ) a room full of rambunctious middle schoolers over and over again, try using music as a tool.  Pay attention to what teachers do in the classroom. Teachers use music for seamless transitions from one activity to another. They use music to calm a room or to signal it's time to pack up and go home. So why can't youth workers do the same?  Jensen says:

" Pay attention to what happens to your own body and mind as you listen to a song. Pay attention to the beats per minute (BPM). Songs in the 35- 50 BPM range will be more calming, while those in the middle 55-70 BPM will be more moderate for seatwork. For activities, the pace might be 70-100 and for energizers, maybe 100-160 BPM will REALLY rev it up."  

     I love integrating brain based learning into a youth ministry setting, especially when it comes to music! It's  fun to use our Itunes playlist to get a room revved up and rowdy. Keeps things interesting. Playing music in the background while announcements or games are going on keeps everything fun, upbeat, moving, and also signals (without anyone being tempted to scream shut up!) to everyone what's going on.  If music can educe calm into the middle of chaos or get everyone smiling and dancing, than by all means use music as a tool! Create an irresistible environment using music to create calm or crazy controlled chaos every Sunday morning or Wednesday night. It would be a waste not too. If music works wonders in a classroom setting, it can work its magic in the youth room too. 

     We spoke with one slightly older than us youth pastor several years ago who was a little set in her old-school ways. When one youth worker girl with a Master's in Christian Education (me) plus one experienced middle school teacher dude (my husband) with a Master's in Educational Technology mentioned the use of background music during announcements,  and for transitions, she looked at us, shrugged her shoulders and said..."No. I don't need to listen to every educational theory."  OK, maybe not, but if it works, if it's based on proven research and if it's working in the highest scoring and most dynamic classrooms in the nation, why not?  

     Back in the day my husband and I were at a YS National Youth Worker's Convention where Mike Pilavachi, one of the key note speakers  (a cool youth pastor dude from England) had musician Andy Hunter (another cool English dude!) on stage playing (and mixing) music the ENTIRE time he was speaking. It was phenomenal. Not at all distracting (it was techno music w/o any lyrics) and so incredibly powerful. My husband and I were hooked. We loved the fusion of music and preaching. Something so completely different yet a no brainer as well. When was the last time you watched a movie without a soundtrack? You DON'T WATCH MOVIES WITHOUT A SOUNDTRACK! You would be so distracted and thrown off by the lack of a soundtrack. The movie would be ruined, unfinished, and incomplete.  So why not add a soundtrack to your youth ministry? 

My husband...My favorite teacher!
 I glean TONS of Brain Based Learning ideas
from him. 

How do YOU integrate Educational (Brain Based Research) theory into your ministry? Often the "Pastors" with the MDiv's can speak brilliantly about the Bible, but lack the higher level classroom educational training to teach it in ways that 'stick.'  Keep some school teachers close at hand (I live with one! Ha!!) and learn a thing or two to rock your ministry! 

Milkshake Mondays

     Inviting students into the everyday rhythm of our family life is what Milkshake Mondays are all about. Every Monday we load up the swagger wagon (our blue Mazda 5...complete with a family set of Star Wars stickers on the back) and head to church. My husband Tim and son Josh take an archery class (from someone training at the Olympic Training center!) while Jenna, the eight year old takes art with a cool Asian art teacher wearing a gray painters cap. I cram in a quick office hour while my toddler watches Yo Gabba Gabba on my ipad. We are all at church and come 6pm we are hungry for some food. So we head to Chick-Fil-A for Milkshake Monday.

Buy a milkshake and get an 8 count of chicken bites FREE! 

     When you work in ministry and have a busy family to manage, how do you make time for relationship hours? The hours you set aside for people within your ministry you want to connect with and get to know.   It's simple... take a look at what you are already doing week in and week out. Your schedule has some degree of predictability to it whether you are a student, single, or married with a family. When it was obvious our Mondays consisted of frequent visits to Chick-Fil-A, Milkshake Monday was born.

   
     Each Monday I invite a couple of students to meet me and the family at Chick-Fil-A for dinner. I offer to buy them a milkshake. Teens typically don't turn down free food, and a milkshake is less than a Starbucks! The beauty of Milk Shake Mondays at Chick-Fil-A is it comes with an 8 count of chicken bites. So yummy and cost effective. We sit at a table nearest the kid friendly play area. After we chow down, my kiddos play on the playground and my husband and I chat it up with our high schoolers. It's awesome. This evening two teen girls from a military family had dinner with us. They had so many crazy stories to share from their travels and interesting adventures about all the different places they have lived. We laughed so hard I almost peed my pants! And of course, my 20 month old baby girl is always a big hit with the high school girls.

     My favorite moments in youth ministry are the shared meals and laughs taking place outside of program time. The ones which happen organically driving students home or over milkshakes. The talks, laughs, jokes, and honest conversations occurring outside of church. When we can be ourselves (complete with our own kids in tow) and invite teens into the everyday rhythm of our life...dirty diapers, spilled drinks, and all.  Therefore I {heart} Milk Shake Mondays!

How do you invite students into the rhythm of your every day life?

Mom, my friend said girls can't be youth pastors.

     My daughter Jenna walked into the kitchen this morning while I was pouring her a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and with a look of concern on her face said, "Mom, Elizabeth* said girls can't be youth pastors." Clearly this is a hot topic, even with 2nd graders. I looked into her curious blue eyes and responded, "Well I am a youth pastor."  I continued to ask my second grader a few more questions.

    "Am I a girl?" She replied with a smile, nodding her head and answering me with a big "duhhh!" Pausing for a moment, I asked her "Do you remember Anna, the girl with dark curly hair in first grade?"  Guess what her mom is?"  She looked at me, trying to remember who Anna is.  I reminded her, "you know, my friend Tina's daughter. Her mom is a youth pastor and she is a girl." I can see her connecting the dots. We continued our chat over a bowl of cereal.  "My best friend Carmen, do you know what she is?"  Jenna replied, "A youth pastor!" She smiled ear to ear. Taking a sip of my coffee, I asked "You know Caitlin in Josh's 5th grade class? She belongs to my friend Christina, and guess what...she is a youth pastor too. What about Mariah (one of Jenna's favorite people), what is she?" "A youth pastor" Jenna said with a slight giddy squeal in her voice.

   The big question...just to be clear:
 "So Jenna, can girls be youth pastors?"  She looked at me eyeball to eyeball and said YES!"  Good girl! If girls are not to be youth pastors, there are sure a lot of us who didn't get the memo. If you want to be a girl in youth ministry, clearly there ARE churches with both men and women in leadership who DO hire women for youth ministry positions, and some might even call you a "Pastor."  I am so thankful to live and serve in a community with so many female youth pastors around (3 of us with kids in the same public elementary school!) and many friends to be a real life example to my 8 year old daughter of women serving as youth pastors (or coordinators or directors or female youth ministers or whatever the title!)

*Name changed to protect the privacy of the 2nd grader

A paid female youth worker in an SBC church?

     Without going into a theological debate on whether or not women should be considered pastors, or serve as youth pastors, I wanted to share how I thrived as a woman in youth ministry in an SBC (Southern Baptist Convention) environment. Again, I don't care to argue whether or not women can be titled or ordained as pastors. What's the point...? I doubt I will change your interpretation of scripture and you are unlikely to change mine! Instead of lengthy debate, we can save time and effort and go serve the homeless together and do something much more productive. There are other blogs and countless books on the subject. One of my favorite's is this one and this one, however the official SBC position on females in pastoral leadership is this. For those considering youth ministry who, like myself, have a love and affinity for the Southern Baptist denomination  (I went to San Diego Christian College), and have wondered how to use your gifts in a traditionally male dominated faith tradition, I wanted to share my experience.

     First, to work in an SBC church as a female youth worker, you can't care about the title. Now 15 years post Bible College, I do see how the title of "Pastor" sometimes changes the way I am treated and the way I am paid, but up until this point in my life, it wasn't (and usually isn't!) a deal breaker for me. I wanted the freedom and the opportunity to do youth ministry, title was irrelevant. So I was an "intern" and a "director" and a "coordinator" for years. I got paid to do youth ministry, even if I wasn't the "man" in charge. There was plenty of ministry to get done, and I didn't have to be the one running the show.  It wasn't until I started rubbing shoulders with Presbyterian female pastors and the opportunities (like 10k more a year in pay, study leave, and a generous pension plan!) available to them in their denomination, which led me to 8 of the best years of my life as a youth worker in the Presbyterian Church! So evaluate how important a title and top level pay are to you. As a married woman, my husband is the primary bread winner, so me getting paid as much as the "Pastor" boys on staff wasn't a deal breaker. Plus, being second in command, means the guy pastor gets more of the stress on his plate, and I get to do more hands on ministry.  However, if I was single, or the primary bread winner in the family, it would matter a whole lot more.

     Eventually I left the Presby's to work back at my SBC home church of Shadow Mountain Community Church. I love the Presbyterian church, and sometimes regret I didn't go down the ordination path there. After being allowed to guest preach on several occasions at Westminster Presbyterian church (PCUSA) in Escondido, Ca congregants would shake my hand at the door and ask why I was not pursuing ordination. They affirmed my calling to the pulpit, but my SBC background haunted or at the very least, confused me! I didn't want to get shot down by lightening or anything. Preaching is a gift I was given, and unfortunately there are not a lot of opportunities for women to guest preach in most SBC churches. So why head back there? When a full time youth ministry position opened up at my home church (Shadow Mountain) I jumped at the chance. It's a fabulous church, doing great things in the community and world wide.

     When you come from a Southern Baptist church you know what you are in for. I knew the context, I knew their view on women as pastors, and I knew I would never get the chance to preach on a Sunday to adults. Despite the challenges, the opportunity was amazing! Only one thing mattered...I was getting paid to do more youth ministry than I could ever dream possible. I mentored female youth interns on staff in our middle school department, led after school campus clubs, organized 13 middle school small groups and even taught on Sundays occasionally (females can teach students....once in awhile!)  I was the second in command "middle school coordinator" working with the male middle school pastor and it was the perfect job. Large SBC churches with a good sized youth ministry, are well aware of needing women on staff to minister to teenage girls and female volunteers. So you gotta knock on some doors of those bigger churches and seek an internship or a volunteer slot to get your foot in the door.

     I share my story of working in an SBC church, to encourage other women out there who share a love for their local SBC church, and wonder if a career there in youth ministry is possible. It is! I loved being an intern at Shadow Mountain back when I was a college student, and I was so blessed to return there full time in my 30's to do full time youth ministry.  It's in this SBC church where I began paid youth ministry, met my husband, got married and it's what made every ministry position since then possible. You don't have to abandon ship to another denomination if you don't want to. Yet again, it isn't a bad thing to consider a change to a more female friendly denomination. I have a great love and passion for Presbyterians because I wasn't afraid to venture outside of my own faith tradition. If anything, I am more Presbyterian now than I am Baptist! There are plenty of Jesus and Bible loving churches out there, both within and outside of the SBC who would love to hire quality youth workers, regardless of gender. I am proof of that!

Sidenote: I live and minister in Southern California...NOT the Bible Belt, NOT the Midwest.  NOT the South.  Your context might look different than mine based on the cultural norms of your community.  California seems (in my opinion) to be more progressive than other states. Feel free to email me if you have questions or need advice specific to your context.

"When I grow up I want to be a Youth Pastor"